CERN admits black hole ripped in space by Large Hadron Collider
A spokesperson for the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) has confirmed the fears of many in the scientific world after revealing that the reason for the sudden closure of the Large Hadron Collider, the world's most expensive physics experiment, was not due to "technical problems" as previously stated, but because its controversial particle collisions have sensationally rendered a "tiny black hole" in the fabric of space.
"I can confirm that, yes, the first stages of the experiment resulted in the appearance of a miniscule black hole," said the spokesperson to gathered reporters on Monday. "The black hole is being kept under quarantine and our scientists have been monitoring its progression," he explained.
Situated deep underground on the French-Swiss border, the $10 billion USD Large Hadron Collider (LHC) had been opposed by many scientists who warned of the related dangers of the massive particle collision experiment.
The huge, ring-shaped LHC has been designed to give scientists an opportunity to re-create and study the origins of the universe and to end the search for the elusive Higgs Boson or 'God particle'.
Many had bitterly said the consequences could be as extreme as the Earth being sucked into the black hole the LHC collisions may create as a side effect of the experiment. Others claimed time travellers with more sophisticated technology than ours could make use of the hole to invade the Earth and enslave mankind.
The particle physics experiment began with great fanfare on September 10, 2008, only to be mysteriously closed down nine days later. An announcement by CERN blamed mechanical failure between two superconducting magnets, a reason deemed strange at the time by scientists and theorists not involved in the experiment.
After confirming the incredible real reason for the closure of the LHC, the CERN spokesperson went on to placate reporters present by saying that his organization did not, at this stage, see any danger to the Earth's existence.
However, when asked by reporters at CERN headquarters how the agency kept a black hole under quarantine, the spokesperson admitted, "With great difficulty ladies and gentlemen, with great difficulty."
The Obama administration's shadowy Special Crisis Operations (SCO) executive, Mr. C. Norris, told Washington reporters at a hastily-arranged news conference that his elite team was monitoring the situation closely and was ready to resolve any emerging crisis once it had "sorted out this global warming business and the current financial mess."
What is CERN?
The Large Hadron Collider
Our understanding of the Universe is about to change...
The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is a gigantic scientific instrument near Geneva, where it spans the border between Switzerland and France about 100 m underground. It is a particle accelerator used by physicists to study the smallest known particles – the fundamental building blocks of all things. It will revolutionise our understanding, from the minuscule world deep within atoms to the vastness of the Universe.Two beams of subatomic particles called 'hadrons' – either protons or lead ions – will travel in opposite directions inside the circular accelerator, gaining energy with every lap. Physicists will use the LHC to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, by colliding the two beams head-on at very high energy. Teams of physicists from around the world will analyse the particles created in the collisions using special detectors in a number of experiments dedicated to the LHC.
There are many theories as to what will result from these collisions, but what's for sure is that a brave new world of physics will emerge from the new accelerator, as knowledge in particle physics goes on to describe the workings of the Universe. For decades, the Standard Model of particle physics has served physicists well as a means of understanding the fundamental laws of Nature, but it does not tell the whole story. Only experimental data using the higher energies reached by the LHC can push knowledge forward, challenging those who seek confirmation of established knowledge, and those who dare to dream beyond the paradigm.
